From the 7th to the 13th of February awareness falls on sexual abuse and sexual violence. These weeks often intrigue me as I believe awareness around these subjects should be constant and always in the minds of the public and particularly in those minds who have the power to change policy. I have to cynically note it ends a day before Valentines Day, a day which promotes unwarranted attention on your 'crush' by saying it is okay to send a card or a gift anonymously. It never considers what that might be like to someone experiencing or who has experienced such abuse and violence. Indeed, even the awareness week could prove triggering for victims and survivors alike.
Having the privilege to work with such amazing people who have survived such abuse and violence has taught me a great deal. Not least that the very counselling I have been trained in could prove problematic when working with this group. Every word I am typing for the blog I am concerned about because of the issues surrounding each client and, indeed, potential client. My main concern as a counsellor is the unequal power dynamic which could arise in the therapeutic relationship. I, often say this, I am not the expert, the client is. I truly mean this. Whilst I have studied at degree and masters level various ways to empower clients and to work with certain 'presentations'. Also to 'understand' what may be happening. All of this does not in anyway mean I have the right to tell you how to feel. Far from it. If anything it seems to reinforce my concerns.
Consider, all survivors of such abuse and violence have suffered trauma - that is obvious. But what isn't obvious is how each individual manages that trauma and it's ongoing effects. There is no right or wrong way. It is down to you how you cope, how you get through each day, it isn't down to me to tell you how you 'should' be doing it. Each feeling, each response to a trigger, each bodily response is valid, because it is yours.
Please remember survivors of such abuse and violence are resilient and strong. During this week, take a moment to remove judgement from your reaction to these amazing people - just remember they are surviving the best way they know how, it is their survival we should focus on, not how they are doing it.